Three words

The words had just slipped out, without my brain actually thinking about them. As if they had been battling to get out along, and finally had found a weakness and taken the chance!

I stiffened; suddenly the wonderful moment seemed to have vanished. The rain was still falling gently, actually more mist like than actual water droplets but the world outside of the water trailed window was still soaked through; the leaves dripped every now and again and the grass shined as it bent limply towards the earth. Nathan’s arms were still held comfortably around my middle, his chest firm under my torso as I leaned against him. But something had just shifted, like a shimmer in the air which I had never been aware of, had been flung to the side, relieving a fear which curled itself around me.

“…What did you just say?” Nathan said sharply, his arms tightened around me and he bent his head forwards to stare shocked at me. His brown eyes gazed at mine, wide and full of surprise, his mouth slightly parted.

I gulped nervously, suddenly my throat was tight and my mouth dry.

Three words. Three, little, simple words had just changed everything. Did I mean them? Should I take them back? Was the fear I felt inside of me the right reaction, or should I be cursing and hitting myself for letting them slip out?

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that…” His voice reflected this expression, but also held upset.

Was it? My mind whirled through my memories. Yes, he was right. They had never been uttered before. But why not?! Suddenly, they felt so true, so right – why shouldn’t I say them, I was only expressing my feelings after all.

“Do you really mean it?” Now his voice was full of fear and uncertainty. Would I dare sound those words to him again?

Of course I would.

I nodded, smiling with clear belief, “I love you… Nathan I love you!”

childhood innocense

“Daddy?” I said carefully, watching a man on lookout intently.

“Yes Heather?” He straitened up, scythe glinting in one hand, a cut bunch of golden wheat in the other.

“He’s on watch duty isn’t he?” I pointed to the man I was watching.

“Yes,” He nodded, but raised an eyebrow at me, “Heather, remember what we said about pointing. We don’t do it do we.” But he was smiling. Daddy was never angry with me when he smiled.

“No,” I grumbled, “Well how do I show you what I’m talking about if I don’t point?!”

“You nod with your head” He reminded me, and bent again, swinging the blade through the crop again.

Chewing my bottom lip, I looked around bored, walking slowly behind daddy and picking up the bits of wheat he’d missed.

“But daddy?”

He sighed and straitened up again, “Yes?”

“Why is he on guard duty? It’s because of the silver men isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Daddy nodded to me, but looked up around the field, as if he were looking out for something.

“But daddy – oh!” I spotted a bit of wheat I’d missed on the ground and quickly picked it up, “Why do the silver people hate us?”

Daddy looked down at me, but didn’t say anything. Was he angry with me? Did I say something wrong?

“Heather, I’ll explain it to you later, when we get back home. Now though, we need to cut this wheat don’t we. How are you getting on collecting the bits I miss?”

I held out my hand to show him, and he smiled at me, “Good girl, my little wildchild!”

“But I want to know now!” I whined

He sighed again. Mummy said he did that a lot. “Not here Heather.” He wasn’t smiling now.

“Why not!?”

“Because we need to do our job first.” He said gently, and turned again to cut the stalks.

“But I want to know now!” I stamped my foot.

“No Heather.” He didn’t straighten up this time and look at me.

“Please?!”

“No. Later.”

“But I want to know NOW!” I stamped again, folding my arms.

“No Heather!”

“WANT TO KNOW NOW!” I frowned as well. Mummy did that when she argued with daddy and she always seemed to win!

“Heather, stop shouting.” The curved knife swung again.

“WANT TO KNOW NOOOOWWW!”

“Stop it!”

“NO!”

“Heather stop it now or I’ll send you back!” He turned fast.

“No you won’t!” I didn’t shout this time, though I wanted to. My voice did something funny. It sounded like a growl afterwards.

Daddy stopped looking angrily and watched me. He knelt down in front of me, his eyes flicked up and down and side to side as he looked at my face. He made me giggle.

He stopped looking worried and smiled, shaking his head, “Your right, how could I send my best little helper back.” He grabbed my sides and began to tickle me,

“DADDY – STOP IT!” I screamed at him, but I couldn’t help giggling, which seemed to make him laugh.

“Silvershed – lunch break?” Daddy’s friend called over.

Daddy stopped, grinning at me, then took me under my arms and swung me up, “What do you think, hungry little wildchild?”

I nodded hard, “Can I have some blackberries – you said I could this morning?!”

He laughed, walking through the waist high wheat, “Let’s go on a hunt for them shall we? First battling the terrors of Daddy’s pack? If its not there then I’m afraid we might have to dare ask big scary Brook?”

*********
“Heather? Those silver people?”

“Yes?” I sat on my bed. I made my legs swing, trying to make them reach the floor. Daddy sat next to me.

“What do we do when we see them?”

“We run!” I grinned at him, knowing I was right, “We run for the hole, we keep quite and say ‘Help’ to the guards at the hole.”

“Very good Heather, yes. Now why do you think we do that?”

“Because there bad people!” I knew that was right too.

He nodded, opened his mouth, but then closed it. He did it again. And again.

I giggled, “Daddy you look like a fish!”

He smiled, and did it again, making me giggle more.

“Heather,” He had stopped smiling now and I frowned at him,

“What’s wrong daddy?”

“I’m trying to think how to explain this too you without scaring you.” He leant back against my wall and I looked at him,

“Just tell me. I’m not scared Daddy.”

He half smiled this time, “I know Heather. And that’s worse…”

“I know they’ll hurt me if they catch me.” I scratched my foot.

“Heather…I think you’re old enough to know this. You go ‘up top’ with me quite a lot now…Those silver people – the ones we sometimes call Bots…they…they…” He was doing the fish thing again, but I knew I should answer him instead of giggling,

“They’ll kill me won’t they daddy…?” I felt scared saying it, and crawled to his side, hugging him.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head, “Yes.” He whispered.

“But you’ll save me won’t you Daddy?” I was sure this was right as well.

“Yes. I will. But you have to do what I say when we go ‘up top’ Heather, remember that!”

“I will – I do!”

He hugged me hard, “I know my little Wildchild, I know…Now, I think it’s about your bedtime now, don’t you?”

“NO!”

“Yes, now come on Heather…”

“NOOO!”

Nightmares

There is no room for fear or panic in our lives.

So many times have I wanted to sink down, clamp my hands over my head and beg for it to all just STOP!

But never is it seen in the day light. Never when others are around. That is when a brave face is put on, where things are forgotten and calmness can settle down on you. Perhaps it’s because in the day there are things to distract you, to take your mind off of it?

Walking down the empty and dark halls at night however, I have heard people many times, the oldest and youngest; shouting, screaming, gasping, thumps as they lash out. And the worst of all; shuddering crying.

Coming down the last few steps from the first floor to the hall, I saw the back of one person I had never imagined I would ever see upset. He was always so cheerful, so happy; laughing, messing around, bringing cheer to others, or just playing a spirit lifting tune on his pale wooden flute.

The bare floorboard my right foot was resting on gave a sharp creak.

He jumped and sprang to his feet, flying into a stance, his face lost in the darkness.

“It’s alright! It’s me Joe!” Making my palms glow softly, I brought them up to my face to bring it into sight and smiled gently, “Just me.”

He sighed, his shoulders slumping and let his fists fall back down his side, uncurling them.

“Can’t sleep?” I ventured, walking down the last few steps to be on the same level as him.

In the dim light of my still glowing hands I saw him look down at the last step we were standing on, his mouth glumly held together. He shook his head and sank to the floor, resting his legs on the cold floor of the hall and resting his elbows on his knees, his forearms hanging limply between them.

I paused, unsure of what to do. After an uneasy night I liked to walk around the empty halls, trying to ignore what had woken me and focus on other things, or make my way up to Nathan. Should I continue my wonderings, or stay to see if I could help? He hadn’t told me to go away, but he hadn’t said to stay either.

Or maybe I should just get Rosa?

“You have nightmares don’t you Heather?” Joe said plainly; bringing his head up to look at me.

Well, I had my answer now.

“Course. Everyone does.” I replied simply, bending to sit down, leaning against the wall and facing him at a right angle.

He nodded wordlessly, as if accepting something, looking back down between his arms at the floor.

“Have you ever had to fear your power Heather?”

Confused by the odd question, I asked, “Teleporting? Or my other one?”

“Both.” He said; his voice devoid of emotion again, not looking at me.

“…Sometimes.” I said honestly, “Not my teleporting, but my photokinesis – yer. It’s dangerous if I use it against a Bot.”

“But you’ve never hurt anyone with it?” His voice dipped to a whisper.

“No – but Joe.” I leant forwards away from the wall, gazing at him intently, “Neither have you!”

He chuckled darkly, surprising me. I had never heard him laugh like that before in all the years I had known him.

“You’re forgetting teleporting isn’t my real power. You remember what I was like for the first few months here.”

“Joe,” I was alarmed and scared by this new personality he seemed to have developed. Shifting along the step to sit at his side, I lay a hand on his closest shoulder, “Just because you had your power changed does not make it anything less. So what you burnt a few things – that’s in the past! You’re a teleporter now!”

He turned me finally, and chuckled in that disturbing way again, “Heather, are you forgetting that along with you, and almost the rest of our year, I gave second degree burns to!? Heck, I almost set alight to the school every day!”

“And did we ever berate you for it?!” I was getting slightly annoyed now, not to mention even more confused, “Not once did we hate you for it! Yes, we might have whimpered a bit in pain – but we never blamed you! It was obvious you couldn’t control it! Joe,” I gripped his shoulder hard, “What’s brought this on? What’s wrong?”

He was still beside me, the dark hiding his face but I could hear his shaky breathing as he fought to control his emotions. I heard him swallow hard and take in a sharp but deep breath, “I remembered something from when I was little.” He said in a rush.

“Something about your powers?”

He nodded down at his feet, “I’d forgotten about it until now. I fell down one of the stairs between the levels. I was about six. Fell onto my mum. I tried getting off her as quickly as I could but my foot was stuck in a gap behind the stairs. Her skin got so badly burnt, from me trying to get off of her and then her working my foot out. Then, probably because I couldn’t stop thinking about it before I went to sleep, I dreamt my power changed back, and I burnt down the school! People were getting trapped but I couldn’t get them out without hurting them more! And Rosa….” He was shuddering again, unable to contoinue. He turned his face away from mine, to face the wall, and I knew it was to hide the fact he was crying.

“Joe,” I said gently, I attentively put my arm around his shoulders, “Joe, you couldn’t help it. And it was just a nightmare, not real.” I gently pulled him closer, expecting for him to resist, but he leant towards me and curled up to my shoulder, chocking on sobs.

Nightmares, and memories can shake even the strongest person up; scaring them because they showed them the thing they feared most. As small children we run or shout to our parents, drawing in on simply their presence, letting them comfort us and helping us forget the horrible moment. All it takes is a kiss, a cuddle and reassurance, and we are able to forget. Growing older we develop defiance, telling ourselves we can deal with it on our own, and there is no need for such a childish display of fear. We hold it to ourselves; ignoring it and forcing it to go away, pushing it the back of our minds. Older still, we almost revert back again, seeking comfort from someone we hold close, because at that time, we are able to realize what the reason for the fright was, which can sometimes be even more forbidding.

In our lives, we may fight half of our lives, be strong and commanding, but it draws us equally close, developing friendships which will never be broken, letting us willing put ourselves in danger to help the other. Or simple help them with a fear when they are confused and on their own.

The next morning just before combat lessons, after taking Joe to Rosa for the rest of the night, Joe smiled and nodded his head to me. It was all the thanks I needed, because I had been there, and knew I would undoubtedly would again. And knew how such a small and silent jester could help.

Fear

I always thought I had gotten used to fear.

I was aware of it when ever I faced a Bot, but it had to be forever pushed down, knocked aside and ignored. Otherwise, there was no way you could run at them, beat them back, kill and destroy them.

Now though...

The pellet machine faced me. It grinded as it started up. Sleek, metal and shiny.

My breath hitched and caught in my throat.

My mind was completely blank.

No teleporting out of this one.

No running away. Its sweep would get me left right and centre.

No defending myself. I would be ripped to shreds.

Something clunked inside of it. The nozzle was vibrating.

I hear a faint scream, muffled as if it were on the other side of a wall.

A force slammed into me - I crashed to the ground, instinctively curling up tight on my side! Pressure and weight wrapped around my back, then shuddered. The pellets were stabbing out of the machine.

A whimper escaped me, the body behind me jerking and twitching as it was hit.

“It’s alright,” A voice breathed into my ear, arms tightened around my middle.

“Rosa!?” I gasped back, feeling her shake and twist behind me, the pellets striking her.

She shielded me from their deadly blows.

“I got you Heth,” She breathed again, wincing. She clasped one of my hands in hers comforting, “I got you.” She repeated.

Staring out across the fighting ground I saw the ground exploding as the metal balls were driven into it, earth and the little grass flying.

“You’ll have horrible bruises.” I whispered, my breath shuddery as the pellets rammed into her skin, making her body jump to and fro, but she held tight onto me, keeping me safe.

“But unlike you I won’t get ripped to shreds.” She winced.

I laughed shakily, “N-n-no need to get smart.” I jibbed, my voice stuttering in fear. I felt my body shaking in fright.

“I won’t let them hit you Heth.” She whispered softly into my ear, squeezing my clasped hand.

“...I know...”

I squeezed back.

Sometimes the fear couldn’t be ignored. Sometimes it took you over; when your worst nightmare became a reality, making you curl up and whimper like a small child.

But sometimes, there was a friend to lend a hand. And hold you tight.

To protect you.

To save you.